Apples

Jackson: Ok Lorelai, if you´re a good girl now and push like the nurse is telling you, you´re getting some apple.
Sookie: Still thinking about the one time when you witnessed the delivery of a foal, Honey?


Lorelai: Very funny, Jackson. I´ll laugh later. Now use that apple to shut up Florence Nightingale behind me.


Gypsy: Do you really have to take all the apples, Jackson? I see a scurvy epidemic in the town´s future.
Jackson: Well, you wouldn´t believe how many nurses they have at the hospital. Takes a lot of apples to shut them all up.


Dean: It´s your mother´s fault that I didn´t get my daily apple fix. I want some fruit now. You and your family will pay for that.
Rory: I..I´m..sorry. What can I do to make you feel better?


Jackson: I don´t want to violate your privacy Lorelai, but I had to come to the delivery room to tell you: we don´t have any more apples. Is there another way I can make the delivery easier for you?


Lorelai: That´s ok, Jackson. I´m not even pregnant. I just had a little series of tests going on. So far 99,9 percent of the male population of Stars Hollow would do everything for me. I´m just great!
Rory (thinking): Yeah, great. You could have at least let me in on the secret. That way you could have saved me all the Dean-destressing I had to do.

Proud Sister

LIZ: So Luke, how´s it going with you and Lorelai? I talked to her yesterday and she seems to be very satisfied.
LUKE: Do we really have to talk about this? What did Lorelai tell you?


LIZ: Well, she was quite impressed by the skills you have in bed.


LUKE: Oh come on, Liz. I know you´re making that up.


LIZ: No, I don´t. She said she likes the way your big hands can cover her breasts completely.
LUKE (thinking): Someone shoot me. This is so embarrassing.


LIZ: And then she told me that she is unable to control herself when you sleep with each other. And that she has to hold on to the bed because you´re so wild.


LUKE: Would you please stop this now?


LIZ: I have to go now. And listen big brother, you should really be proud of you. I wished T.J. would be so talented in bed.


LUKE (thinking): Wow, I had now idea Lorelai thinks I´m that good.

The real reason why Lorelai dated Digger and how Luke saved her..

Lorelai: I have to buy marshmallows and chocolate and...what happened there with that car? Looks like someone needs my help.


Lorelai: Hello? Hey, can I help you somehow? Are you injured?


Digger (thinking): And there she is, my evil plan seems to work.
Digger (saying): Miss, I´m glad you are here. I think I hurt my leg while driving so fast.


Digger: Could you please get in the car and drive me to the hospital?
Lorelai: Of course I´ll help you!


Digger: You are feeling very tired, your eyelids are getting heavy. Close your eyes, let it happen. When you wake up again, you will have forgotten everything about that diner owner you secretly dream of. You will think I´m sexy and great. And you will even love my pretty white sweater. Now, wake up!


Lorelai: Wow, you are incredibly sexy and great. Love the sweater. I wanna be your girlfriend.


Luke (thinking): What is Lorelai doing in a car with that guy? I think I´ve seen him in the news a while ago, he must be some kind of criminal. I have to save her!

2 hours later...


Luke (thinking): Now I´ve checked every newspaper from the last 6 months and nothing about that guy. Let´s hope the meeting with the private investigator is more successfull.

1 hour later...


Private investigator: I´ve had other cases regarding that guy, but he´s too clever for me. Sorry man, can´t help you. Good luck, maybe you can put a stop to his game.


Luke: Ok, now it´s me against him. No guy steals my girl from me, he should better run and hide.

The next day...


Luke (thinking): Finally I found a trace, the idiot lost his ID. I should go to his apartment, I bet that´s where Lorelai is.


Luke (thinking): Here it is. If I am very quiet I can sneak in and maybe rescue Lorelai.


Luke (thinking): Oh my god, that´s worse than I expected. Poor Lorelai!


Digger (thinking): Just a little more champagne and I´ll have her completely naked.
Lorelai (thinking): He is sexy. He is great. Love his white sweater.


(just pretend Digger has a Stars Hollow wallpaper;))
Luke: Let her go or you´ll have my fist in your ugly face.


Lorelai: Who is this, Digger? He looks familiar somehow.


Lorelai: Wait, I remember, you are Luke. My hero! Take me away from here.


Digger (thinking): Damn, I was so close.

The next morning...


Lorelai: Thanks again for saving me.
Luke: You´ve already thanked me enough. And I´ll make sure that you never forget me again. So, what else should we buy, now that we have Digger´s credit card...?

THE END

The Size Of Things

KIRK: Listen Rory, I know you a while now and I think we are perfect for each other. Let´s go out tomorrow night.


RORY: Guess what happened while you where in the storage room with Luke: Kirk asked me out! I´m a lucky girl. He might be the one.


LORELAI: Welcome to the family, Kirk. Treat my girl right.
KIRK: I will. And if it doesn´t work out with her I´ll give you a call.

The next night...


LORELAI: You are back late. How was your date with Kirk? I want details.


RORY: Let me tell you, at first Kirk was the perfect gentleman. He opened the door for me and ordered everything on the menu. Then we went to his place. His mother is quite nice. In his room things got a little heated.


LORELAI: You slept with Kirk? On your first date? With his mother in the next room? How was it?


RORY: All I have to say about it is: look at my fingers.


LORELAI: That small? You must be kidding! I would have never thought...not that I have ever thought about it.


RORY: I was polite enough to say nothing about it to him, but then he said my boobs are too small.


RORY: So what do you think? Too small?
LORELAI: Well, to say they are big would be a lie.


RORY (thinking): Damn, I´ll never have a steady relationship.

Spelling Troubles

LUKE: You had 2 cheeseburgers, 5 cups of coffee, fries,...
LORELAI (thinking): He is so sexy when he reads my check to me. The way he moves his luscious lips is incredibly sensual.


LORELAI (thinking): And the way he parades around his butt in those jeans presents also a pretty view.


LORELAI (thinking): Wow, I sooo want him. Why didn´t I realize that earlier?


LORELAI (thinking): I should tell him. But how? I´m too afraid to just say `Luke, you-me-storage room in 5 minutes´. I got it: I´ll write it down, much easier than to tell him directly.


LUKE: You wrote `storage´with two `r´. And `let´s get dirty´ should not be hyphenated.


LORELAI (thinking): Crap, he´s right. I knew one day my spelling mistakes would impede my love life.


LORELAI: Ok, fine. If you can´t look over my spelling troubles I´ll go now. You don´t know what you miss. I´m pretty good at doing the things I wrote down, although I can´t spell them.


LUKE: What can I say, I´m a spelling freak. It´s a sickness.


LUKE: But hey, if you want, let´s go to the storage room for some `tutoring´.


LORELAI (thinking): I guess it´s better not to point out now that the storage room is in the other direction.