Go public

LUKE: You called, here I am, let´s do it!
MICHEL (thinking): Argh, do they really have to do these booty calls every 3 hours?! It´s annoying! And enviable, grr.


LUKE: I see you fixed the banisters Tom. Good work!
TOM: Yeah, again.


TOM: You should really find another place for your dirty activities, I´m sick of fixing the banisters three times within two days.
LUKE (thinking): Damn, I loved that the banisters were so springy when we did it against them.


LORELAI: Maybe we should try the new table in the kitchen?
LUKE: Ok, we didn´t use a table for a couple of days, it´s about time.


SOOKIE: You know, they are pretty entertaining. Unfortunately I only saw them do it once, but they are both pretty agile and inventive. And let me tell you, Luke´s physique is pretty impressive if you know what I mean.
LORELAI & LUKE (thinking): Wow, I didn´t know Sookie was so impressed by us.


SHEL: That sounds so great. I can hardly wait to see it too!


SHEL: So, could I maybe watch right now?
LORELAI: Ehm, well...
LUKE: I can´t do that in front of other people! Sookie, you only could watch us because I didn´t know you were hiding behind the counter at the diner when we were doing it on it.
SOOKIE: Oh Luke, stop being so prudish.


LORELAI: Wait a minute, I´ll try to convince him.
SHEL: That would be great.


LUKE: I really don´t feel comfortable doing it in front of that guy. He already undressed me with his eyes when he looked at me. I don´t wanna feel like a sex object.


LORELAI: I´m sorry Shel. Luke really doesn´t want to do it when you´re here.


SHEL: That´s a pity, I was so looking forward to it.


LUKE: Could you make that guy leave. I can´t wait any longer.
LORELAI: Mmh, I can see that. And feel it.

After christening the new kitchen table, twice...


LUKE: Hey Andrew, do you maybe have a self-help book or tape for people who have a problem with having sex in front of other people?


ANDREW: You´re lucky. I just got a new supply of "Public sex for Dummies".

10 minutes later...


TAPE: Did you ever have sex in unusual places?
LUKE: If the kitchen of the Dragonfly and Taylor´s frontyard are unusual, then sure.


TAPE: If the answer was yes, then you are already on your best way to do it no matter who is watching.
LUKE (thinking): I hope so.

2 hours later...


TAPE: Have you finished your list of people you would like to watch you and your partner? If yes, then it´s time for some action.
LUKE: Ok, Jess is first.

1 hour later...


LUKE: Hey, do you wanna come by tomorrow and watch me and Lorelai having sex?


JESS: Really? Yeah sure, that would be cool!

The next day...


LORELAI: This is the surprise you promised me? A list with names?


LUKE: Yep. You can look forward to having sex with me in front of all the 53 people on the list. On after the other.


LORELAI: Seriously? This is the best surprise ever!


JESS: Ok guys, ready for the show?


LORELAI: Why is he taking off his clothes too?
LUKE: Maybe he got the wrong impression why I invited him. Ehm Jess, I wanted you to watch us having sex, not the other way round.


LORELAI: Wow, he´s pretty impressive though.
LUKE: What can I say: Like uncle, like nephew.

Eggfinder 3000

EMILY: Give up, Lorelai. I will not tell you, it´s a tradition and I´ll hold on to that. They are in or near your house, that´s all I´ll say.
LORELAI: You´re so mean! It was nice to have to search for my Easter eggs when I was a kid, but now it´s just silly!


LORELAI (thinking): They could be under the couch, or on the front porch, maybe in Rory´s room,...
LUKE (thinking): Could you please wait to think about that till we finished smooching? It´s creepy.
LORELAI (thinking): Ok, sorry.

After one hour of extensive smooching...


LORELAI (thinking): I can´t believe this thing cost 1000 bucks. What was the reason I bought it? Oh yes, Emily! She will not win and gloat for weeks because I didn´t find the Easter eggs!


LUKE: What the hell is this thing in your hand?
LORELAI: It´s EGGFINDER 3000, the newest type. With fast-finding feature! Oh yes, I receive a signal!

Two days later...


LORELAI: Hey Luke, I know you said you wouldn´t waste one more minute to help me find the eggs and I´m sorry I accidentally destroyed some of the furniture in the diner when I thought the eggs where hidden there although my mother said they are here. But could you please, please come over one more time and help me searching? You know, I wear that low-cut dress you love so much and when I bend down during the search you can totally...Okay, see you in a minute.


LORELAI: Are you sure? I have a clear signal that says they are hidden between the ice cream and the two weeks old Chinese take-out.
LUKE: Positive. They are not in here.


LUKE: I really don´t know where else we could look. Let´s give up!
LORELAI: I feel very Mulder & Scully right now. Where´s your big flashlight you always seem to carry around, Fox?


LUKE: Speaking of big flashlights, if it makes you feel any better we can go inside and you can do a different kind of "egg searching".
LORELAI: Dirty?
LUKE: You bet.


KIRK: Those eggs were yummy. Although maybe I shouldn´t have eaten all, I feel a little bloated now.

11 inches

LORELAI: On the occasion of Luke´s and my wedding anniversary there will be a screening of our wedding video in the town square tonight. Tell all your friends!


MISS PATTY: So, today is the big day Lorelai? I bet the night will be big too!
LORELAI: Absolutely, huge even!


LANE: Happy anniversary Lorelai. Luke went to buy some stuff for tonight.
LORELAI: Yeah, I know. I just wanted to ask if you can tell all customers about the video screening?


BRIAN: I can´t wait to see her naked.
ZACH: She said wedding video, not honeymoon video. You´re so stupid.

Later that morning...


LORELAI: Hey kids, how do you like the idea to spend some time with uncle Michel tonight? Mommy and Daddy are having their wedding anniversary and need some time alone.


LUKE JR: Cool!
LORELAI JR: Maybe you can finally work on that little sister or brother we´re waiting for!


MICHEL: I don´t want to watch your brats, they are annoying!
LORELAI: Oh please, we already had that discussion many times. You know how bad my mood is when I didn´t get sex with Luke, right?
MICHEL: Fine, I´ll do it.

Early afternoon...


LORELAI: Ok Dean, here´s the money for your job as the projectionist tonight.


DEAN: I have one additional stipulation. I want to participate in your private "celebration" tonight.


LORELAI: Haha, good joke. Rory told me that you were not exactly a master in bed when the two of you were together.


DEAN: Well, then I can´t help you. And I´ll keep the video you already gave me too.


LORELAI (thinking): Damn, that was the only copy. Why can´t I keep my mouth shut?

Later that afternoon...


LORELAI: Hey Honey! Are you and big Luke down there ready for some action tonight?


LUKE: I still have some errands to run and meet you in an hour outside, okay? And please don´t always call [I]him [/I] like that in public.
LORELAI: Oh come on, those eleven inches fairly deserve that nickname!
RORY (thinking): Eleven inches, is this physically possible? Maybe that´s the reason for my lousy love life.


LUKE: Okay, if you put it that way...


RORY (thinking): Keep eye contact, Rory. I´m not looking down there, I´m not looking down there...god, this is so hard.

1 hour later...


LUKE: Ok, I bought all the stuff for our private "celebration" after the screening. I got the cigarettes for afterwards. They didn´t have the handcuffs you wanted, so I just bought some solid rope. That will do the trick too, I think.


LORELAI: That´s great. Unfortunately there will be no screening, Dean has kidnapped our wedding video.
LUKE: I always knew that guy was trouble!


LUKE: Do you want me to beat him up? I could easily do this!
LORELAI (thinking): He´s so sexy when he´s angry at Dean. I don´t think I can wait till tonight, I want him now.


LORELAI: Stop thinking about Dean and kiss me!
LUKE: I can do that too...

Several minutes later...


MICHEL (thinking): God, do they have to do this in public? Don´t they have a bed? It´s so disgusting...and enviable. Luke is wearing nice boxers though. Oh, [I]was [/I] wearing nice boxers.


EMILY: Oh my god, there are my daughter and my son-in-law! Someone stop them!
RORY: Those are nice boxers...

Early evening...


LORELAI: So, what do you think? Isn´t this a nice substitute for our screening tonight?
RORY: I can´t believe Michel filmed this. The boxers are nice though.


RORY: Oh my god! Eleven inches, Mom was not kidding!