Magic

RORY: I think you can do better than that.
LORELAI: Don´t let you irritate by Rory, she is not as experienced as I am. You are doing good so far. No, don´t worry - noone can see you if they look through the window. I shield you with the rug.


SOOKIE: You should bend your head a little more. The right angle of the tongue is really important.


MARTY: I try, but it´s not easy. I think I´ll never be a perfect lover.


LORELAI: Oh my God. That was the worst nightmare. Having dirty dreams about Rory´s friends is a safe indicator that I´m in serious need of some great Luke loving. Rooory!!! Bring me Luke and don´t come back for the rest of the night.


RORY: Luuuke!!! Mom is needy! Luuuke!


RORY: Where is Luke? And what are you doing here?
MICHEL: It seems as if the magical stuff I mixed into your Mom´s coffee already put her in the mood for some good old-fashioned lovemaking. And if the stuff is as good as I hope she shouldn´t even notice that I´m not Luke.


MICHEL: You know Rory, I wanted to do this since we spent the night together in the zucchini patch. Got a nice look at some of her body parts when she was turning around in her sleep. But since she only has eyes for Luke I had to get rid of him. And sorry Rory, of you too.


RORY (right): Damn, who would have thought Michel has such magical powers.
LUKE (left): He will never get my Lorelai. Rory, we have to do something!

Page 14

LORELAI: Luke jr., we´ll go to Daddy´s diner for lunch in 15 minutes. Make sure you are ready to go.
LUKE JR: Yes Mommy, I just want to finish that magazine that I found in Daddy´s car. In one article they wrote that a woman can get a baby if she does what these girls on the pictures are doing.


LUKE JR: Did you and Daddy do that on page 14 too to get me?
LORELAI: Since it´s your Daddy´s fault that you found that magazine I think you should ask him, Luke jr.


LUKE JR: Daddy, I found this magazine in your car. Did you and Mommy do the things on the pictures too to get me?
KIRK (thinking): Wow, interesting position. I didn´t know this is physically possible.
LUKE: You found this in my car? I know who´s responsible for that. Come on.


LUKE: Taylor, it´s your fault that my little son saw dirty pictures and asks me questions about sex. How many times did I tell you that my car is not the right place to hide your Playboy from your wife.
KIRK (thinking): Damn, I bet Taylor already tried that difficult position. I should do that with Lulu too.


TAYLOR: Come on Luke, you know how angry my wife can be. As a reparation I volunteer to explain Luke jr. how he was procreated.
LUKE: Ok, deal.


TAYLOR: Welcome to our special town meeting. I´m glad you all found the time to be here at such a short notice. Today I want to explain to Luke jr. how our dear Lorelai and Luke became his parents. They were never able to keep their hands off each other, but that even increased after their wedding.


TAYLOR: I remember that the whole town was waiting for weeks outside the closed diner to finally get something to eat again. Miss Patty told us dirty little stories about what could be going on in the apartment above the diner.


LORELAI: That was the best time of me life.
RORY: Those were the weeks when I almost starved to death.


TAYLOR: Now of course we don´t know what exactly the two of them were doing, but I created a little pamphlet with sketches to demonstrate which positions could have been involved. Don´t let you fool by the innocent title, that´s just a metaphor.


MISS PATTY (thinking): Although it´s only a sketch, that Luke looks quite impressive.


LORELAI: Ehm, Taylor. How do you know that I have a mole at that part of my body?


LUKE: Yes Taylor, how do you know that?


TAYLOR: Calm down, I didn´t look through your brightly lighted bedroom window and watched how Lorelai changed her clothes or something. You have nice wallpapers by the way. Ehm, no I just have seen baby pictures of Lorelai, that´s all. Where was I with my story? Ah yes, now that you have seen the possible positions let´s go on to the day that Luke and Lorelai finally left the apartment again.


LUKE: Sorry that you couldn´t get any food during the last weeks. But Lorelai didn´t let my leave the bed for one minute.
LORELAI: I just can´t get enough of my sexy and talented husband with the hot body. And guess what, we are getting a baby!


TAYLOR: From that day on the food supply in town broke down completely: Luke and Sookie were occupied with cooking and bringing food to the pregnant Lorelai, who was hungry 24/7. Several bad cases of food poisoning happened because many people were forced to eat at Al´s Pancake World. We all waited impatiently for the day when you, Luke jr., would be born.


TAYLOR: Finally the day came and your Mommy went into labor. With your Daddy and you sister Rory at her side, it took your Mommy 10 hours to give birth to you.


LORELAI: That part was not so good. I still remember the pain.
RORY: Yeah, me too. I´m still not able to use my left hand after you squeezed it so much.


TAYLOR: You were not the cutest baby and your sister made a fortune with admission fees for showing the ugliest pictures of you, but at least your Daddy was able to cook for us all again. So thank you Luke jr. for being born. The town meeting is closed, get home safe everyone.


LORELAI: So, what do you think. After this successful town meeting and now that Luke jr. is sleeping peacefully and it´s still early - should we try page 14 of Taylor´s magazine?
LUKE: I thought you would never ask.


LUKE: Remind me to thank Taylor the next time i see him.

Rory the Leech

Lorelai: Rory, do you have to be so annoying? Can´t you spent one night without following me everywhere? All I´m asking for is a couple of hours for only Luke and me tonight.
Rory: But I´ll be bored. You have to play something with me. Or we´ll watch a movie.


Kirk: Good morning ladies. I hope you did sleep well last night.
Lorelai: Don´t remind me. Lately I´m getting a lot more sleep at night than I´d like.


Lorelai: Hey Kirk, wouldn´t you enjoy to go out with Rory? Tonight would be best. She´s pretty easy to handle. So what do you say?
Rory: Mom! Do you really need it so badly!?


Rory: Mom, do you want to pout forever because I rejected Kirk?
Lorelai: I´ll stop pouting when I get some Luke tonight.


Lorelai: I miss the way his big strong hands touch me. And his tongue...


Luke: Who´s tongue?


Lorelai: Your´s of course. Rory won´t let us have sex tonight.


Luke: What? But I counted on it. Can´t you send her to a boarding school in Europe or something?


Rory: Hey, I´m sitting right here.

Later that day...


Lorelai (daydreaming): These strawberries look delicious. Luke used to eat them out of my belly button. And Luke is delicious too. I need to find a way to get rid of Rory tonight.


Lorelai: Sookie, you are my best friend, you know that. Could you please do me a huge favor tonight and be my babysitter for Rory?
Sookie: That´s too much you ask for, Rory has been so annoying lately.


Lorelai: Dean, I´ll give you 100 bucks, but please do something with Rory tonight, whatever you want.
Dean: Sorry, but I already have an important appointment at my hairdresser´s salon.

That night...


Lorelai: I don´t understand how you can be so mean. I need that sex with Luke.


Lorelai: Ok, I´m really desperate now. This is my last attempt to convince you to give Luke and me some privacy. I made a list: 100 reasons why I need to have sex with Luke. 1. He´s got a hot body under all that flannel. 2. He´s a master of striptease. 3. He can rip off all my clothes in less than 20 seconds. 4. He can do the most amazing things with his tongue and other body parts. 5. He is...

1 hour later...


Rory: Fine you convinced me. Because of that list I´ll need psychotherapy for the rest of my life anyway, so one night without you won´t hurt.


Lorelai: Ok Luke, time to warm up. I´ll be at your place in a few minutes. Yes, I have the extra pillow for that new position we want to try.


Lorelai: Luke I´m getting impatient here. Do you need much longer to find the music for your striptease?
Luke: No, I just found it.


Luke: Do you want me to do the whole turning around routine too?


Lorelai: Well sure mister, I want the complete show. You´re so good at it.


Luke: It might be even better if you come over and help me a little.

The next morning...


Lorelai: I want to share with you all how happy I am this morning. Thanks to the selflessness of my dear daughter Luke and I were able to top our personal record for the most positions in one night.


Lorelai: See you later big boy.
Luke: I´m looking forward to it. And take good care of that bird, we might need it again.