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Why is there so much Naked!Kirk???

Host: You have to admit that there have been not nearly enough hot Luke & Lorelai scenes since they became a couple. People wanna see that, believe me.
Amy: Are you criticizing me?


Amy: ´Cause you know, I´m sick of people blaming me for that!


Host: But, you are the executive producer and...
Amy: You know what? Let´s just ask Lauren and Scott what they have to say about that.


Scott: Yeah, there have been only two scenes where Lauren and I had to be naked. Two!


Lauren: No, four!


Scott: Four? I can only remember two.


Lauren: Did you forget the two times when I grabbed you by your shirt, threw you on the bed and...


Scott: Of course I remember that. But if you wanna count the times in your trailer too, that would make it five.


Lauren: Four!


Amy: See, that´s why there are not more hot Lorelai & Luke scenes. They are like that all the time. "Lauren, why do I have to be shirtless while you are dressed in that scene?" - "But Scott, this morning at home it was the other way round." And so on... I prefer working with Sean Gunn for that kind of scenes.


Sean: Oh, my clothes are beamed away again. Woohoo, another Naked!Kirk scene!

Self-help

LORELAI: Hey Luke? Are you comfortable right here or do you wanna go upstairs?
LUKE: Mmh-mmh.


LORELAI: You know, with "being comfortable" I meant "Do you want me to jump you right here or upstairs?"
LUKE: Mmh-mmh.


LORELAI: Hey Luke? I think big Luke down there wants to play!
LUKE: Mmh-mmh.


LORELAI: Great, now not even talking about big Luke works. I gotta call Rory.


LORELAI: Luke doesn´t want to sleep with me. That never before happened, I don´t know what to do. Usually he rips off my clothes when I only look at him and now nothing.


RORY: Eww Mom, too much information.


LORELAI: But I´m desperate! You have to help me.
LUKE (thinking): If I manage to reach out a little bit further, I can touch Lorelai´s butt. Damn, I´m so tired.


LUKE (thinking): Maybe next time. She has a nice butt though. Must sleep now...


LORELAI: We didn´t have sex for 24 hours. 24 hours! He´s been tired all day long, I don´t know what´s wrong.


RORY: 24 hours? Wow, that´s pretty serious. Did you already try the massage thing?


LORELAI: Did I try the massage thing? Hello! Did you forget who first told you about the massage thing?


RORY: Ooh, I know how I can help you! Remember when Paris had that affair with Asher Flemming? Well, he was old and needed a little bit "cheering up" sometimes. Paris always gave him that special mexican food. We´ll bring you some of that tomorrow afternoon.

The next afternoon...


LORELAI: I´m so thankful you brought me this. Luke can eat that tonight after the town meeting and then bye-bye beauty sleep.

5 minutes later


LORELAI: Kirk, you didn´t eat the special food I asked you not to eat, right? Because it´s not in there and if you ate it, you better start running for your life now! I need that food!
KIRK: (saying) Nope. (thinking) Damn, those pants are suddenly tight. I knew I should have taken them one size larger.
PARIS: (thinking) I will not look under the table again, I will not look under the table again...


KIRK: That hurts so much. And today of all days Lulu is out of town, bummer.
PARIS: I´m not looking, I´m not looking...

That evening...


TAYLOR: We are here today to discuss a very serious problem. As you all know Kirk lives in Lorelai´s and Luke´s garage now for almost a year. And during that time he got used to hear Lorelai and Luke making love every night and every morning. He could almost set his clock by their activities. But since yesterday he´s missing this familiar sound.
KIRK: I need my routine.
TAYLOR: And today he was almost killed by some suspicious mexican food with stimulating effect.


LUKE: Hey, our love life is not the town´s business!


TAYLOR: It is if it effects other residents of the town. Luke, I suggest that after this meeting you join my self-help group for men with the same problem like you have.


LUKE: I was just tired one day! I don´t need your stupid group!


TAYLOR: I´ll see you at 8, young man.


LUKE: Fine, I´ll go. But I still can get big Luke like that without your help.

8.05 p.m.


TAYLOR: And now repeat it 5 times: I´m a stud, I can make my lady happy. I´m a stud...
LUKE (thinking): Great, now I´ll never be able to have sex again without hearing Taylor shouting this.
Gypsy: I´m a stud...wait, I guess the make-up class for car mechanics is probably in the next room then.

8.15 p.m.


KIRK: Faster Luke, you only have 10 more seconds!
LUKE: This is hard. Ok, I say right hand on right breast then.
OTHER GUY: Excellent, Luke. Now lets continue with the dummies for the other half of the body.

8.30 p.m.


TAYLOR: Not bad Luke, but you really should work on your acoustic performance. "That feels so good, Lorelai!" should be a tad louder.
LUKE: I can´t believe Kirk taped us having sex.

9 p.m.


TAYLOR: I think there´s hope for you. You are my best student, Luke. You learn so fast and are really good now.
LUKE: Yeah?


TAYLOR: Now go home to Lorelai, remember everything I told you and make me proud. I count on you.

9.10 p.m.


LUKE (thinking): Ok, right hand on right breast...


LUKE (thinking): Bending her over...


LUKE (thinking): And action!

And we fade to black... :D

Go public

LUKE: You called, here I am, let´s do it!
MICHEL (thinking): Argh, do they really have to do these booty calls every 3 hours?! It´s annoying! And enviable, grr.


LUKE: I see you fixed the banisters Tom. Good work!
TOM: Yeah, again.


TOM: You should really find another place for your dirty activities, I´m sick of fixing the banisters three times within two days.
LUKE (thinking): Damn, I loved that the banisters were so springy when we did it against them.


LORELAI: Maybe we should try the new table in the kitchen?
LUKE: Ok, we didn´t use a table for a couple of days, it´s about time.


SOOKIE: You know, they are pretty entertaining. Unfortunately I only saw them do it once, but they are both pretty agile and inventive. And let me tell you, Luke´s physique is pretty impressive if you know what I mean.
LORELAI & LUKE (thinking): Wow, I didn´t know Sookie was so impressed by us.


SHEL: That sounds so great. I can hardly wait to see it too!


SHEL: So, could I maybe watch right now?
LORELAI: Ehm, well...
LUKE: I can´t do that in front of other people! Sookie, you only could watch us because I didn´t know you were hiding behind the counter at the diner when we were doing it on it.
SOOKIE: Oh Luke, stop being so prudish.


LORELAI: Wait a minute, I´ll try to convince him.
SHEL: That would be great.


LUKE: I really don´t feel comfortable doing it in front of that guy. He already undressed me with his eyes when he looked at me. I don´t wanna feel like a sex object.


LORELAI: I´m sorry Shel. Luke really doesn´t want to do it when you´re here.


SHEL: That´s a pity, I was so looking forward to it.


LUKE: Could you make that guy leave. I can´t wait any longer.
LORELAI: Mmh, I can see that. And feel it.

After christening the new kitchen table, twice...


LUKE: Hey Andrew, do you maybe have a self-help book or tape for people who have a problem with having sex in front of other people?


ANDREW: You´re lucky. I just got a new supply of "Public sex for Dummies".

10 minutes later...


TAPE: Did you ever have sex in unusual places?
LUKE: If the kitchen of the Dragonfly and Taylor´s frontyard are unusual, then sure.


TAPE: If the answer was yes, then you are already on your best way to do it no matter who is watching.
LUKE (thinking): I hope so.

2 hours later...


TAPE: Have you finished your list of people you would like to watch you and your partner? If yes, then it´s time for some action.
LUKE: Ok, Jess is first.

1 hour later...


LUKE: Hey, do you wanna come by tomorrow and watch me and Lorelai having sex?


JESS: Really? Yeah sure, that would be cool!

The next day...


LORELAI: This is the surprise you promised me? A list with names?


LUKE: Yep. You can look forward to having sex with me in front of all the 53 people on the list. On after the other.


LORELAI: Seriously? This is the best surprise ever!


JESS: Ok guys, ready for the show?


LORELAI: Why is he taking off his clothes too?
LUKE: Maybe he got the wrong impression why I invited him. Ehm Jess, I wanted you to watch us having sex, not the other way round.


LORELAI: Wow, he´s pretty impressive though.
LUKE: What can I say: Like uncle, like nephew.